a crazy world

He and his wife were in the sitting room. She looked at him in a punitive way.
‘Should you……’
Suddenly he could not stand her anymore. A half year. Now it was too much. He had to leave the life with her, at least the house at this moment.
He left the room and walked straight to the stable. He noticed that his horse was happy to see him.
‘Bye Darling’ he whispered, ‘I will miss you.’
His hands slipped over the hairs and the black skin. The horse became churning.
He thought about the moment he left the hospital yesterday. Seventeen years full surrender to his work and suddenly it was cut off. Almost every day trying to keep people alive at the ic. And, because he could not hush any longer, he had to bring out what was going on…..
‘Please leave the hospital now.’
This sentence repeated time after time in his head. It seemed as if the dismissal could not enter his brain. Because, it was so unreal? Like in a horror film. The words came out of different world.
With both arms he embraced his horse. He loved the animal from the first moment he saw it.
A dream came true. Could he also cut off this relation? Too hard to think about it at the moment.
He unleashed the black horse out of the stable. At once the animal was running in the meadow behind his house.
Slowly he walked to the dike. What next? Who was waiting for somebody who worked his life in a hospital like he did? Changing his hobby into a profession? To find a new job it certainly should take a lot of time.
He climbed the dike and thought how fast everything suddenly went on. It started with a paper he had to sign. At that moment he did not realized what should happen. In his work to be silent was not unusual. Special when it served a general purpose as he read on that paper. At that moment he did not know…..
On top of the dike he felt the strong wind, more intensified by the water. He turned and saw Darling, grazing. A moment he thought that his horse felt his feelings. As if something should happen. Something, yes. But what? No reason to think about that silent paper any longer. Also not over his decision to bring out the information about the empty ic’s and to tell the world what was really the situation in the hospital. His conscience….. No, no sorry. He was sure about his action. Only: how should he bring the information to the people?
In the sky he saw birds flying in a format; all the time the group changed direction. His attention went to a man who walked into his direction on the dike road. He recognized him through the way of moving. Nowadays he wore a special jacket as part of an uniform. As controller he made promotion. The man made a move that he had to wear something for his face.

Without saying a word she handed him the letter of the insurance company. Behind his
office table he opened it. They knew already why he was fired in the hospital. He had refused to carry out the measures. So a payment was not possible.
He dropped the letter and looked through the window. Above the dike he saw clouds with dark heads. He turned away. In the doorway stood his wife. She looked at his face, understood the new situation and disappeared. He was not surprised. She was not on his side and she believed everything the government said. She stayed in that untrue stories despite what he told her: his experiences in the hospital. She was never listen to his talking about facts and rational thinking. It looked like she signed also a paper to believe everything what she saw in the news.
Could he blame her? He turned again to the window and saw Darling running and sometimes jumping. He loved his animal, his work and still his wife, but…..was it now maybe the time to think about himself?
Again he looked at the paper. With both hands he shredded it and jumped out of his chair.

In the train he moved his backpack in the luggage rack. Opposite of him somebody was already sitting. By the way her hair was composed his conclusion should be: a woman. Within a split of a second he wanted to pull out the big white cap from her face. He controlled himself just in time. It could be his wife.
The eyes who looked at him told a clear story. After a while she seemed to realize that her powerlook had no effect and a dull sound was heard behind the mask.
In a normal situation he should ask her to speak more loud. Now he did not say anything and wanted to take the foto of Darling out of the lugguage. But moved back in his chair when she said rather loud:
‘You do not wear a mouth cap!!’
He thought: should she think that that he should cover his face because she ordered that? Because of she presented herself as an extension of the authorities? Orders are orders? That it is not necessary to think but just follow what you have to do? That I am a criminal man who want to bring other people in danger? That a piece of textile for your mouth all the time keeps everybody healthy?
Of course, she could not help that she does not know about long wearing a mask, that it can make you ill? Maybe in a minute she opened het handbag and take a gun out.
He smiled and looked through the window. Areas with antennes and windmills moved from one to another side. When he should look at her again he could expect bigger eyes. He stood up and took the foto of his love out off a side pocket of the luggage.
Poor woman. He had to give her the address of his wife. Maybe she was looking for a friend.
He looked at his horse. After a while he turned his head. While he focussed at the passing green world his eyes became slowly wet.
Suddenly the conductor made his entrance. The wife pointed her finger to him. The conductor moved a handwave along his face. The head shaking was his answer. It was better not to start a discussion. He was not sure if he could controle himself.
The conductor turned to the aisle and beckoned. Two man in uniform appeared. One took his luggage out of the reck. The other asked him to go with him. He did not move. The two men took him from the chair. The woman nodded affirmative. A moment later when she saw the foto on the empty chair she was shaking her head for a long time.

Joop Brussee

Oktober 2020